Awake or sleeping?

I feel like I haven't slept in days even though I did sleep, my mind is trapped somewhere between dream and reality, I'm not sure I enjoy being there but it's my own way of dealing with things perhaps. I wish I could do what I did when I was a kid and things worried me too much, I'd go for long walks in the dark until my head emptied itself of worries and I felt fine for a while.
I don't feel bad, that's the thing, I'm just worried about someone I love that's really fighting for his life and I know what he's going through affects so many lives right now and it freezes me, it truly takes me to places I'm not ready to go to. It makes me stare at something from my past that I desperately tried to avoid for years on. But all of this is happening because that cancer thing forces me to look at things in a way I never did before. The human mind is like a long road that's both arrow and wide and doesn't seem to end, it always leads somewhere even when you think you've lost your way, even when you don't know where you're going you'll get somewhere. That's what I'm doing within myself these days. Such a complicated process.